Arguments give you an opportunity to learn something deeper about your spouse. Not only that, you should only worry if you never argue - because that could indicate conflict avoidance which can lead to emotional detachment.
So how do you deal with every argument?
1) Use “I”
We all know that in times of anger, it’s easier to point fingers and accuse the other person. “Why are you doing this?”, “Why can’t you change?”, “Which part of this do you not understand?” Sounds familiar?
And we all know what those types of questions/statements will lead to.
Now, what if you change your choice of words during arguments? What if instead of focusing on what the other person has to change or what the other person has done wrong, you stick to explaining how you are feeling about the whole incident?
For example, “I feel a little upset about this incident”, “I feel that we could have done this differently.”
Imagine how that would change the entire course of the argument? It may not even end up an argument but instead culminate into a heart to heart sharing session. Just think about what that would do for your relationship.
So the next time you are angry about something, remember to focus on “I” statements that explain how you feel and do not use “you” statements/questions that might just sound accusatory.
2) Never go to bed angry
Let’s just say that you already had an argument. You could not control your anger and said stuff you should not have said. So what do you do now? Just go to bed and act normal and extra nice the next day? Try not to do that.
Over time, if instead of sorting out your issues, you resort to avoiding conflict, it can lead to the build up of frustration and resentment. While it may be easier at the moment to just get on with life without apologizing and without going through your conflict to understand each other better, in time to come, it will all just grow into a bigger, more difficult problem to solve.
Just keep in mind that every time you go to bed without talking through your conflict and solving it with peace in both of your hearts, you are growing a small distance apart.
So how do you stop this from happening?
No matter what happens, iron out your issues from both your perspectives before you hit the bed. Make sure that when both of you go to bed, it is with peace of mind, contentment and infinite love for each other.
Apologize readily and admit you might have handled it badly. Ask your spouse how you can do better next time. By this time, your spouse would soften up and be more open to listening to you. Use the chance to then have an open discussion on what you can do differently next time to avoid that thing that angered you from happening again.
3) Surprise your spouse with a gift, treat, date or act of service
Please do this only after you have had a heart to heart talk to work through the underlying issue that sparked the argument in the first place.
Perhaps, in the next few days after the argument, you could surprise your spouse with something. It can be a simple card to show your appreciation or you can also help out with some of his/her daily chores without being asked. Whatever you choose, remember to express your appreciation openly to your spouse with that surprise.
By doing such stuff, your love will get deeper and deeper by the day.
Share this article with your spouse so that they know what to do too! After all, it takes two hands to clap ;)
To many more successful families,
from Secret Love Notes